"What We Embrace, Persists"

My friend always tells me, “What we resist, persists.” She says it when I talk about something that I am trying to avoid a habit or a certain mentality. Her theory is that when you address that habit or state of mind and marinate in it for a while, you can emerge from it. It’s ironic that I have been resistant to that saying, seeing that if it is true, then the very phrase will become true by my resisting it. This blog post is in an effort to embrace the saying and understand it in a new way!

I would like to take a different interpretation on the phrase. If what we resist persists, then I think it isn’t about becoming that thing for a time—because one could very well get stuck in it. I think the key is to come in to harmony with that thing. For example, if you see a trait in someone that you want to avoid, focusing on avoiding it will cause you to become it. Perhaps the trait is already a part of you—a part you don’t like—and your resisting it is an act of trying to reject it from your own self. However, when we embrace that thing as a part of the other person—or a part of ourselves—we can be in harmony with that thing and accept it for how it is.

For instance: I love a girl who is very clumsy. She tends to drop things often and has a habit for forgetting important things. At first, I would resist her behaviors, criticizing her by saying things like, “This is typical,” with a laugh, or by rolling my eyes when she dropped something. When I finally realized that not only were my responses cruel, but they were also absolutely not helping her change or myself change. I made a conscious effort to stop thinking that the her forgetful and clumsy tendencies were bad…they were just her. I started finding her habit of dropping and forgetting things as endearing. I was able to living in harmony with those things, recognize them as a part of who she is, and accept her and love her for it. Not only did this make for a much better relationship between the two of us, but I was giving her the freedom to change and was giving myself the freedom of changing and loving, as well.

I feel as though the main message here, as I am working through thoughts on this matter even as I am typing, is that acceptance and love are the keys to not resist something. The opposite of the phrase, “What we resist, persists,” then is, “What we accept, persists.” When we love and accept others as they are—not trying to avoid certain traits we don’t want to have, but accepting them as a part of who they are—we then focus on what is good about them.

I suppose by saying “what we resist, persists,” we are automatically focusing on one thing: resisting…which, by definition, denotes that we are focusing on something negative—something we do not want to become. We must focus on the good in others, in ourselves, and in life. I believe the truest statement here can be, “What we focus on, persists.” When we focus on what we want to avoid, guess what’s always on our mind? The negative, of course! But if we focus on the positive, the things we want to become, the qualities we want to adopt, the things we embrace, we are putting our energy and center of attention on the positive!

From all this, I gather that when we all put our energy into becoming, accepting, and embracing rather than avoiding or resisting, we can become more whole, positive, loving! And I choose to embrace the good in others, in myself, and in the world!